I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
