i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
