his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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