How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
