Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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