Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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