I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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