i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
