She's JV to your varsity
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
