DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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