Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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