I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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