is your mom at the bar?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
