I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
