i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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