Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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