facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
