I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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