i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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