Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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