When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
