she woke up with a sticky ear
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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