hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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