question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
