i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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