if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
