I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
