Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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