God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
