My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
