Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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