A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
