The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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