someone threw a dead crab at me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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