when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
