One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
