addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
