i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
