awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
