I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
