you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
