In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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