Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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