Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
