i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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