Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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