Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
