Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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