I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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