lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
