This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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