i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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