What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
