Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
