P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
