Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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