This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Randomize
