OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
