So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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