they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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