I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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