you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
