Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
