Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
