Welp...herpes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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