problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
