all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
