I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
