my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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