Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
