Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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