The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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