Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Slut skills are useful in every country.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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