I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
