$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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